(Beat.) SHHH! Ja-nine! You said you could keep a secret! (Suddenly coy.) Besides… I didn’t necessarily say it was that “Tom”, did I? (Beat.) Good girl. But if I said the words: “Movie” and “Tom” would you have an idea what I’m talking about. The truth is, the deal my agent’s trying to put together, well, it’s so hush-hush she won’t even tell me much about it. Because I wouldn’t want you to think I was trying to duck out on you. You see… (Suddenly, confiding.) Janine? Can you keep a secret? (Beat.)Good. Unfortunately, my agent is right in the middle of trying to set up a really big deal for me that might conflict with your benefit and she won’t give me the go-ahead to commit to you until she’s finished negotiations.
But I do know why you’re calling and I’ve been trying to get an answer for you about my availability to host that benefit dinner of yours. My little electronic daytimer-thing-what do you call those again?- (Beat.) Of course! “Palm pilot.” Anyway, mine just went Kaa-PLOOEY! I lost everything! Appointments. I’ve been wanting to call you but I lost your number. (Sincerity hits a button on her phone to pick up the other line.) (Answering, very sweetly.) Hello? Sincerity Weeks… (Beat.) (Rolls her eyes in annoyance but manages to keep her tone unbelievably sweet and warm.) Oh, hello, Janine. And THAT’S the OTHER THING she pays you WAY TOO MUCH FOR! You follow? Now get out your megaphone and don’t-hang on, I’ve got a beep. …She wants people to think YOU’RE a bitch, Marla. And do you know why she is that way, Marla? (Beat.)That’s right Marla: Because she doesn’t want people to think she’s a bitch.
COMEDIC MURDER MONOLOGUES TV
But, as luck would have it, TV Star is also very sweet girl: never say “no” always willing to pitch in and never asking what’s in it for her. She not want to get up early to redo show she already done. Now at this point in the story our TV Star is very, very sad. Are you with me so far, Marla?- (Beat.) Good girl. Because bad people with computers make boo boo. THEY very bad people who call TV Star in the wee wee hours of morning and say TV Star must get out of bed early and REDO show she already DONE! And why? Because she do something wrong? No. Now let’s just practice that a little shall we? Are you ready Marla? Good. Oh, and hey-now that we’re on the subject, Marla-just what is it that I pay you for again? Come on Marla, this is an easy one… (No answer, so, prompting…) I pay you to…? (Beat.) “Listen!” That’s right. And we both know that’s not what I pay you for, is it, Marla? (Beat.)…No. …You were just talking again, weren’t you Marla? (Beat, waiting for an answer.) Weren’t you, Marla? (Beat.) Yes. (Beat.) Marla? (Beat.) MARLA! (Beat.) You’re doing it again. SINCERITY: (On her cell phone.) MARLA! (Beat.) Oh, don’t give me “What time is it?”, Marla. (scroll down for dramatic monologues) “THE TWO FACES OF SINCERITY WEEKS” SINCERITY on her cell phone, edited and excepted from ACT 1 Monologues collected below by play title, separated by Comedic or Dramatic as appropriate.Īll monologues on this page are the exclusive property of the author Copyright © Todd McGinnis COMEDIC MONOLOGUES from “ POINT OF VIEWING” by Todd McGinnis REMINDER: Before any monologue from this site may be used – either for audition or performance – you must read and agree to abide by the terms and conditions here.